Back To The Beginning.

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“That was a great play up there, mate!” Harry shouted at one of his musician fellows, giving his thumbs up in a little less sober state.

“Yeah, thanks, mate.” He fist bumped Harry and walked off the stage.

By the point the crowd getting even more crowded, Harry was not even sober anymore. He laughed through his friend’s not-so-funny joke. He cheered some more shots. He danced through the loud music with some faces he barely knew. After party is never a really good choice to get drunk at, Harry thought.

He passed the crowd right away to the toilet, rushing off through the stall and throw up instantly. He wasn’t very keen himself with this. And he knew he needed to get out from the party right away before he does something stupid. He went out of the toilet, looking at the crowd and searching for a face he knew to get a help from.

“Oh Harry, there you are! People are looking for you. Come on, drink some more.” A girl, he forgot who this was exactly which probably would be some crew from the movie, led him back through the crowds.

“Hey, hey, I need to get right away from here!” Harry shouted, knowing that the loud of the music would beat down his own voice.

“What? It’s barely midnight, Harry. Enjoy some more!” She shouted back.

“No, no, I need to get right away from here! I don’t feel good at all.” He let go of her hand and continued, “Tell Chris I’m off first! Tell him congratulation for the movie!” Continue reading “Back To The Beginning.”


We lived a life of,

I held her hand as we walked back to the train station so neither of us would get lost. She kept talking and talking about this one game character that she’d adored since she was ten. She kept laughing at the thought of funny moments she had with her dear mates. She kept walking cheerfully as if there was nothing else that mattered at the time—although she knew stuff back home was happening chaotically in the back of her mind. And while she’s doing that, I kept looking at her features in awe.

She was just a stranger one time. She was just a blurry face that I never knew would turn my life upside down the later on. She was just one person standing in the crowd, which I never expected that her existence would knock on my door. And our fate would almost never collide if I chose something the other way around.

Sometimes I think about the possibilities that might happen throughout my life. Things would’ve been different if I chose another options. There will be some people that I could never have known if I didn’t choose to be where they are. I wouldn’t have experienced stuff if I chose the other way around. Possibilities exist like specks of dusts in every corner of the road. And I… I think I have to always feel thankful for all of those decisions I’ve made.

“Are you okay?” she snapped me out of my thought, getting me back to reality.

Continue reading “Almost.”


#NowPlaying: Banda Neira – Sampai Jadi Debu

Akan selalu ada imaji yang tertinggal mengenai seseorang di setiap langkah kepergiannya. Akan selalu ada fragmen yang mengeras mengenai setiap jejak tempat yang pernah dijejakinya. Akan selalu ada montase yang berputar mengenai kenangan yang ada dalam kepala. Akan selalu ada, bagaimanapun akhir kisahnya. Akan selalu ada, bagaimanapun cara hilangnya.

Beberapa tahun telah berlalu semenjak hari kelulusanku di tanah rantau ini, namun Bali masih secantik tahun-tahun keras penuh perjuangan yang kulalui bersama mereka yang kuanggap rumah. Aku lupa kapan persisnya, mungkin lima tahun yang lalu. Entahlah, aku sudah lupa untuk menghitung. Namun ada banyak hal yang tersimpan di setiap sudut dan jejak kota yang pernah mendewasakan sosok remaja pemberontak dalam diriku.

Setelah hari kelulusan itu berlalu, aku kembali meneruskan pencarian dalam hidupku yang tak ada habisnya. Aku melanjutkan studiku di negeri seberang yang jaraknya lebih jauh dari tanah Dewata ini, bekerja membanting tulang untuk bisa menghidupi diri di tanah yang kasurnya selalu terasa setingkat lebih keras setiap aku kembali ke studio apartemen yang menjadi tempat tinggalku di sini.

Tidak ada yang salah memang, namun beberapa tahun yang kuhabiskan seorang diri di negeri orang ini membuat diriku lupa akan sesuatu paling esensial yang sejak dulu sudah kutemukan ketika berada di antara sosok-sosok sahabat yang pada masanya pernah mendewasa bersama di tanah Dewata. Maka dari itu, ketika berita itu sampai di telingaku melalui surel yang kudapat dari seorang kawan, aku segera kembali. Continue reading “Retrouvailles”

In Process of Letting Go.

Working has been something I’m doing to distract myself.

Lately, just before I go back home at five, I let myself stay a couple hours longer at work just to make sure I’m exhausted enough that all I’m gonna do once I’m home is sleep. I don’t know why I’m doing this. But I think this habit has been built since the day that blue envelope arrived in my house few days ago.

It was a fancy envelope wrapped in perfect shape of bow with my name on top of it. I thought it was a friend’s wedding invitation or maybe one of my relatives’, I don’t know. But never once have I ever thought it’d be yours. Yours with your name and that one girl’s I barely know engraved with golden ink on it. I needed a few moment to proceed it, that time. I needed a few moments to swallow the reality.

After all these years, I never thought it’d be you first. I thought it’d be me. Or maybe it’d be our friends first. But I know for sure you’re never the type of person who chase girls seriously. I mean, even after all these years, our love has never collided because you never once chased me seriously. Because all you did was sitting around hoping I’d be the one to come to you that easy. You thought things will only come to you eventually. But no, I was wrong. It was you first.

Continue reading “In Process of Letting Go.”


Fulltime lover, you said.

Yet, when it comes to love talk, you cowardly turn your head away.

I remember one time we were sitting on your porch that night, you smoking on your cigarette and me sipping on my tea. It was peaceful, I remember. How the crickets accompanied our silent night while you kept on sighing a little too frequent just because you were stressing out about something. You never told me what it was bothering your mind. Maybe I’m not good as a keeper. Maybe I’m not trustworthy of a person. Maybe I’m not…

But you released those puffs of thin smoke into the air as if you let out your emotions all at once. You’re not a heavy smoker, I reckon. But when it comes to stuff you don’t want to share, you’d rather smoke those thoughts away. You thought it was easier than to tell people about those stuff.

Continue reading “Gnossienne.”