Lalu kemana ia harus pulang ketika rumah bukan lagi kata dalam kamusnya?

“La, kamu pernah rindu papa kamu?”

Perempuan itu terdiam sejenak ketika seorang lelaki di hadapannya melontarkan pertanyaan tersebut. Untuk waktu yang cukup lama, ia merenungkan jawabannya. Apa ia pernah rindu papa? Kemudian, dengan gelengan singkat ia menjawab tuntas pertanyaan lelaki itu.

“Kenapa?” Dilanjutkannya pertanyaan rumit yang lain, membuat perempuan itu harus kembali berpikir alasan kenapa.

Continue reading “Papa.”


19 Things I Should’ve Learned By Now.

♪ It’s the most beautiful time of the year
Lights fill the street spreading so much cheer
I should be playing in the winter snow
But Imma be under the mistletoe 

December already, eh? I remember it was January when I decided to stop using my blogspot and started using wordpress. And wow, it’s been a whole year that I’ve been here. I remember I started writing out on blogspot in 2013, I was fifteen at the time. And now, four years later I’ve already had so many of my stories published on both my blogs.

I regret nothing.

I mean, I learned a lot since day one I started writing (I was only thirteen when I started out my writing career on my journal, and yes I’ve still had those cringey manuscripts of my first few stories back at home) and I gained a lot from writing. Don’t get me wrong, I used to be a naive little girl who wished to write for her whole life. But that until I grew up and found the nasty things about this life.

I’ve had my own ups and downs in this life. I don’t expect you to pity me or anything, because I believe y’all also have your own ups and downs. And since the day you were born, you will always learn something from every part of your long road. And from those ups and downs, I grew up.

Continue reading “19 Things I Should’ve Learned By Now.”


♪ If I loved you, life would be easy
There’d be no truth that I’d be scared of
I could walk through every valley
And you’d light me with all of your love ♫

By the time I woke up, she was already standing there by the kitchen counter, looking busy with what I bet is her breakfast preparation. Still with her sheer pj’s top and short shorts, she will be busy every morning to prepare breakfast for everyone. I watched her back as she flipped her pancake on the pan for a moment, before then dragging myself to the sink to get myself a glass of water. She always has this serious look when she’s cooking, and I guess it’s just her thing to wake up earlier every morning to prepare the breakfast for everyone in the flat.

“Whoops, I didn’t see you there. You’ve woken up already?” she smiled as I nodded quickly. “How was the meeting with your friends last night?”

I shrugged. “It was okay, I guess.”

She sighed sounding like giving up to make up a morning conversation that always goes like this. She put down a plate full of pancakes on the dining table, grabbing some maple syrup and plates from the counter. “Don’t worry, the semester is almost ending, you can catch up with them later this new year holiday. Come on now, I’ve prepared some breakfast for you, too.”

Continue reading “Unreturned.”

Well Spent Sunday.

I’ve just had another breakdown yesterday after another night out with my uni fellows to the point I almost wanted to shut down everything. I admit, the past few weeks were rough for me. I’ve never had a serious issue when it comes to mental health, but I guess it just keeps going on a bluff downhill by now. Some days I can feel okay, but some other days I can feel so much pain going on in my head.

And today, when I woke up this morning I felt like a total loser thinking why did I wake up for one more day today. But that, at least until an acquaintance of mine hit me up on facebook asking me if I’d like to tag along on his project that we talked about the other day.

It’s called Anak Bukit project, which is a project to let the local kids learn about english and some other fun stuff they may not get from their school. Bintang, the guy who lit the fire of this project, is a very nice person who gives the kids a piece of his knowledge. And what makes it such a well spent Sunday for me is the fact that I get the chance to be a little part of this lovely project.

Continue reading “Well Spent Sunday.”

Exhausting Like That.


Feeling sad is exhausting like that.

It’s waking up in the morning, seeing that ray of hope from the sunlight that comes through your curtain yet feeling like you don’t have a reason to hold on to another day. It’s getting up from the bed, feeling so heavy like you carry so much on your shoulders. It’s looking up the mirror, hating someone in front of you with passion just because they look exactly just like someone that you want to kill—your own self.

It’s going to class after class, meeting friends after friends, throwing a smile after smile you never meant to give from heart, seeing all the people doing what they do and leave you far behind, witnessing the birds chirping in another so-called beautiful day knowing that it’s only slowly passing you by with its life. It’s having a lunch meal you don’t feel like having, knowing that if you really don’t, you’ll throw up sick.

Continue reading “Exhausting Like That.”

By the Time. [Part IV]

By the time you leave, my world collapses.

I remember how different our worlds were once before we entered each other’s life. I was never a dreamer since the beginning, nor were you a stiff person like I was. You were never a loner, nor was I ever the kind of crowd person. I’d rather stay in bed on weekends, while you’d rather spend your time in somebody’s party you barely know just to dance away your awkward moves.

You were quirky since the beginning, but also lovely. And no one gets to say that to you everyday before me. You dream a lot more than you should. You wish a lot more than the stars in this entire universe combined. You always dream big and high and you never let anyone crush it for you. Oh God how envy I’ve always been for that side of you.

And God, I wish I had more chances that I’m probably allowed to.

Continue reading “By the Time. [Part IV]”

By the Time. [Part III]

By the time you leave, you take a little piece away of me with you.

And things just don’t get to stay in its place anymore. The right side of my bed’s now left untouched. The star mug of your belonging is now left unused. Your corgi Percy, he doesn’t seem to be as happy as he used to be. The ceiling in our bedroom full of the star constellation that you painted with glow in the dark paint is no longer as lingering as it used to.

After you, things just don’t get to stay in its places anymore. After you, I barely recognize myself anymore. After you, I just don’t feel like to live anymore.

Continue reading “By the Time. [Part III]”